2 steps forward 3 steps back!! DAY 31
Aug 8, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmcT8dgC6oY

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my face right now because I'm not
covered but I figured I would record
while I'm cutting up my fruit no mind
you this is the first time that I have
ever cut up a watermelon
I have never cut one before my husband
always does a job for me but since my
chickens were throwing a tantrum because
they wanted watermelon I went ahead and
said okay I'm going to master this job
and I'm going to do this figure this out
now my husband no joke hold on I'll show
you guys he will cut pieces like this
okay to me to me this is too big for a
bite especially when you know that
babies are trying to eat it and you know
it's just too much so I figured that I
would take the advantage while I am
being the one to cut it that I get to
cut it the way that I like it cut which
is in small bites so let's see how this
all pans out
how's her guys is David going so far
ours has been fairly productive I guess
you would say we got out and had to go
to Ali's car lot to pick up a car
because he's doing some business with it
and anyways so we had to go to the lot
and pick up a car and then we were at
Costco yesterday but it did not occur to
us that we needed to stop and go get gas
so we went to Costco today and went and
got the gas and then I went ahead and
because we had to take him to go get the
car so of course then he wasn't like
this whole I was like well just take the
kids for Drive but then I was just like
oh my gosh I don't feel like sitting at
Carl Bay like yesterday was enough in
the car and I still have to go back to
Walmart at some point today to pick up
the little items that we didn't get
yesterday due to the whole Walmart
Fiasco so we have to go back to Walmart
today to pick up the other little items
that I need to grab so I'm hoping to get
that done today because I am like nearly
almost done with all of my flavored
water and that's like my life saver so I
told him he needed to kind of hurry just
a little bit so we can get that done
before everybody's getting off work and
then it becomes a complete traffic jam
because here in less Salem like I've
told you guys before get over the bridge
is a joke and the
is that I hate being in traffic time
like it's just my nerves are nearly shot
but by the time we get done with the
trip of whatever it is that we are going
for okay
no you need to finish the watermelon you
have please yeah mama will give you more
but you need to eat that want to know
one first go eat these ones first look
see that's watermelon okay well that's
your choice honey but I'm gonna leave it
right here cuz I'm cutting up watermelon
okay umm I feel like the lady off of
Lady and the Tramp the mom because you
know they never show the lady in the
tramps mom's face and that's what I feel
like right now my cup mister
anyway so the subject in uh so I'm
hoping that he'll hurry up that way then
we can get that run done so we can get
home before traffic really starts going
to get out of this role was trying to
take a nap earlier but I stopped her
because I thought we were gonna be
leaving but then as soon as all he came
home he turned round and was like hey
somebody called and I have to take the
car out again I'm like oh my gosh like
okay that's fine
so then my kids decided to flip because
they wanted watermelon and they have
been asking for watermelon since
yesterday so I assumed okay well I'll
take my time and do this while he's
doing that and hopefully by that time
then we will all be ready to go
this watermelon is like so soft and
juicy
honestly Costco I will say Costco does
have like the best watermelons that I
know of for here anyways a lot of stuff
I won't buy at Costco though because
it's just I get it home and it's like
literally within the next day a lot of
their produce is completely wrong and
it's really sad because it's like you
know I'm forced you want watermelon okay
put your cup or your bowl okay there you
go go sit down with it thank you anyways
a lot of stuff I don't buy at Costco and
clearly because like I can bring home
like produce and within like two days
like not even two days the very next day
at times the food is already going bad
and I get so mad because it's such a
waste and I hate throwing food out like
I really really do if I can utilize it
in some given way I will because I just
hate seeing it go down the drain when I
know there are so many people that you
know are hungry and can't afford food
and you know can't get on assistance for
whatever reason you know might be and so
for me it's like I cannot let food go to
waste like it just kills me too much so
anyways but when obviously when it's bad
I have to throw it out sometimes if it's
like bread and it's moldy I will feed it
to the birds just because I at least it
makes me feel a little bit better that
you know something's getting it and
I mean birds eat pretty nasty stuff
sometimes so I don't think that they
mind a little mold on the bread but for
me it's like even like sometimes the
clementines there's been a few times
that I've bought them and they're
already going bad so I'll just take them
and pill them put them in a baggie and
take the kids and we'll go and feed the
ducks and the Ducks just eat it up they
love it so that's usually what I do if
we have leftovers of something that's
just you know clearly not gonna be
getting eaten in time for it to not go
bad we'll use that time to go visit the
Ducks and feed them so put their
watermelons I can honestly say really
cool I have just been in a watermelon
kick the last few days I really don't
know why but I'm just like okay I told
Emily I was like I at least want two
watermelons why they're in season
because last year I didn't get any I
don't I think we bought one and it ended
up city and nobody cut it up and so I
was like well never mind
you know because clearly we own it I
guess so we didn't end up buying another
one but so okay that is all I'm going to
cut up I have half of water on left but
I do not have enough room for containers
so I will wait until this container is
down which probably will be down by
tonight if not tomorrow and then I'll
just cut this other part up so yeah I
will see you guys tonight
good evening welcome to Tuesday evening
at Amy's house oh my gosh what a day
what a day I didn't know if checking in
much today I did show you guys I was
cutting up watermelon because
I woke up at 8 o'clock this morning to
s4 crying she want a watermelon and I'm
like I am NOT setting up at 8 o'clock in
the morning
cutting watermelon when you clearly have
me up at 4 o'clock this morning I just
had gotten back to sleeping I'm just
like no we're not having this this
morning so they heard Omar just the
human not stop with the whole watermelon
thing so finally I was like ok I'm gonna
give in I'll go cut the watermelon but I
figured I'd bring you guys along because
I never kind of watermelon before I was
like I seriously was going to youtube
how to cut a watermelon yes you would
think people just randomly know how to
cut a watermelon but in reality it
always Hanks takes some effort but it's
really I as you guys seen I figured it
out but anyways so I'm standing there
cutting the watermelon but this morning
I noticed when I woke up I just wasn't
feeling 100% my guys just like gosh you
know I just I don't know I'm just not
feeling very good and I noticed a little
bit on my right side was kind of hurting
a little bit now a little bit of history
about me so it is actually hereditary I
have a cousin and I also have my nephew
and myself we have technically almost
you can call it three kidneys but we
only have two that function but what
happens is because of that little kidney
that sits on top of my right kidney it
will sometimes keep the urine flowing
rather than filter inna and then pushing
it out so in return that filtered part
that is supposed to be pushing out it
continues to generate and go in circles
rather than do what it's supposed to do
so I'm very acceptable of getting kidney
infections and I haven't had one for a
while and the last big thing that I had
with my kidneys was
after I had my gallbladder taken out a
year ago was it here ago oh my no almost
two years ago I had my kidney my kidney
I had my gallbladder taken out and then
about two months after that I had severe
kidney stones well in the midst of
waiting to go in and have my kidney
stones removed because there was so many
of them
I got a stone lodged in my liver so and
that one was the size of a mulberry
which if you don't know what a mulberry
is they're about this big I want to say
but well even maybe even that big it was
engulfed in my my liver it would not
pass my liver was shutting down my eyes
like the whites of my eyes turned
completely yellow I was in the hospital
for two weeks because at the time they
didn't know that that's what was going
on until we did some more testing then I
had to be taken in the or to have the
stone removed for my liver and then a
week after that I had to go back in and
have the stones removed for my kidney
and so it's just been like non-stop like
with stones and stuff but I haven't had
really any issues I've had one other
stone flare-up in my kidneys and that
was about I'll say maybe six months ago
and if anybody suffers from kidney
stones you all know how painful that is
it is not something I would wish upon my
worst enemy it hurts so when I was
battling the the bladder stone of the
bladder the gall stones the liver stones
and the kidney stones I seriously was
like somebody just take me out of my
misery I was in so much pain but anyways
so this morning when I woke up I noticed
a little bit of pinch on my right side
but it's really weird because since I've
lost the 29 pounds my back has really
stopped hurting so much
and that's how I've been able to get up
and start cleaning the kitchen and doing
the the nice chores that I've been able
to do because my back hasn't been
hurting as bad so today when I was
cutting the watermelon I noticed my back
started to really cramp and I was like
this is really weird because lately I've
been able to stand and do these things
and not hurt at all so I'm really
confused why is the Deek progressed and
it kept going I started feeling really
sick and I noticed that I was starting
to feel real well when we left to go to
Walmart because I went ahead and went to
go get some cranberry stuff and just
some stuff to pump my body well when we
were in the car Ollie had the air
conditioner on because it was 98 degrees
and I had my seat warmer on because I
was full raising so I noticed that I had
started a fever it's like not one thing
it's another but I came home and we
ended up getting in subway for dinner
tonight because it just was gonna be
such a late night I wasn't feeling good
I needed to take a shower and just rinse
you know let the hot water run over me
and warm up basically and so we had
subway and then I took at my shower and
I'm feeling okay I'm still hurting and
when I went to the bathroom before I
took a shower
I had a lot of blood in my urine and so
I'm really gonna be watching that
because that's a not the best sign
especially when I'm having cramping on
my back so if you guys can keep me in my
thoughts or keep me in my thoughts to
keep you keep me in your thoughts
that I can get better because I just you
know I've been feeling so good and it's
like I haven't been sick for quite a
while I haven't been having any body
aches because I've been losing my weight
and it's like boom as soon as I start to
like want to start working out I want to
start getting my movement going so if
it's like one step forward and like five
steps back and it's so frustrating
because it's like I just
I just want to succeed in this journey
so bad and I am not willing to allow
anything to get in the way of my journey
so this little kidney issue better hurry
up and get out because I have in this
issue no more but I'll just keep an eye
on it if I'm still passing blood in my
urine through the night until tomorrow
I'll call the doctor and see if they can
get me in or I'll just go to Urgent Care
but it still sucks you know you just
want to feel better and you especially
when you're you're really starting to
take care of yourself and be very
cautious about what you're putting in
your body and you know and how you're
moving and stuff it's so frustrating
when you have that one thing that can
hold you back because this pain that
goes with your kidneys it's so
debilitating ZAR like it's where it just
makes you not be able to move and all
you want to do is just lay or sit or not
be touched and so it's very very very
frustrating for me because I feel like
every time I start something pops up and
it's like come on I just want to start
working out I want a good drop of weight
this week and I'm already on Tuesday and
I haven't been able to do any type of
workout other than my household chores
because I feel like every time I turn
around something is stopping that so
tomorrow
Amy is going to do something I don't
care what I don't care if I'm hurting a
little bit I know that you know being
uncomfortable is normal but I just you
know when it comes to like my kidneys
and so if I get very very you know like
nervous because I don't want any more
damage to my kidneys that have already
happened just because of all the stones
and the removals and stuff like that I
really don't want anything to patru to
where it causes another stone to happen
I don't know if some of this could be
because I was really
lacking my intake of fluid because of
the whole water bottle issue thing but
the last two days I have been pumping a
lot of water but sometimes the damage
already starts a few you know like I
mean a kidney infection doesn't just
happen overnight I mean it's something
that brews for a while so it could have
been something that had already started
it was just you know it's just now
starting to show up
I do have strips that I can test my
urine which I didn't think about it
until after I went to the bathroom
tonight so I'll test it later and that
will also give me an itch if if I have
an infection or not sorry I have a
little college sized refrigerator in my
bedroom that I hold like my yogurts and
stuff because we have one of those
refrigerators that are the side by side
refrigerators but it's like the older
fashioned ones that I have like no room
literally it's like as wide as my head
maybe a little wider but not like much
and you can't fit nothing in it and so
we bought this to put like the yogurts
and because the babies are on milk still
well mine is a touch milk but the babies
are still on whole milk right now and so
we always have to keep milk on hand so
we always put the extra milk in here but
I do the yogurts in here because
otherwise the babies will fight for the
yogurts and then they don't touch open
and so I will find open yogurts all over
the house I don't know if it's like the
excitement of being able to pill the top
open or what but it's like you're always
seeing so much yogurt so we started
putting them in here but Ezra was in
here a little bit before I started
filming and I looked over because I
thought god I'm getting a cool breeze
summer and as she left my french open
great so anyway so back to what I was
talking about
I really need to get some things under
under control so that I can go ahead and
start really getting my movement and you
know because I want to do that and I
want to get going because like I said on
Saturday I want I want a good number
coming down like I only lost two pounds
this week and that's great and that's
wonderful but that's clearly not enough
when I've got a big challenge ahead of
me of a hundred fifty pounds for my
first goal so I can do it and I know I
can it's just getting this funky nasty
infection or whatever is going on in
there
out so I could start feeling better um
but other than that we had a very
uneventful day it was not like there
wasn't really much excitement I just
like really took it easy today because I
just wasn't feeling it um I really I
wanted to say thank you so much to
everybody that messaged me about my
video last night you know it's never
easy to talk about those type of things
it's never easy to bring up past trauma
that past abuse it's not easy but you
know I know me sharing that story
definitely got to some people that
helped them know that they're not alone
when they're fighting these battles
within themselves of what happened to
them and I just want to say thank you so
much for the support that you guys have
been giving me and sharing your stories
with me because it's so easy to feel
alone it's so easy to feel like you're
the only one that this ever happened to
and to know that I'm not alone and to
know that there are others that have
clearly when they're the same things
it it helps even that much more with the
healing because then you can just be
like okay you know what I'm not alone on
this journey whatsoever
and I know that I can get through this
with all the support that I'm receiving
and same goes with you guys that I am
your support
I am your validator I am your person of
celebration you know I celebrate the
fact that some of you guys have been in
a hidden secret closet for many many
years because of being afraid of what
your family would think or what your
family would say or do and it was it
wasn't easy to bring up those
conversations with the people that I had
to share that with when I was younger it
wasn't easy but I did it because I
wanted to protect myself because again I
was the only one that could protect
myself I didn't have anybody to protect
me and so it was hard but and it was
scary especially when you're being told
that you'll be killed afterwards but I
had to say it and I definitely want to
be an advocate for others out there that
are battling this and are still hidden
and still ashamed because it's nothing
to be ashamed of it's not your fault
that these things happen it's not your
fault that people decided to take
advantage of you at any given age you
could have been a child you could have
been at all it happens to adults too
adults can get molested adults can get
raped adults can be taken advantage of
just like a child so it just you know I
really touched me with all of the
messages that came in yesterday I really
real
really appreciate it and again I really
think that every every what word am i
saying every time that I share something
that is very hard to share I feel like
that's another cement block to put my
foot on to move forward to get further
away from where I've been stuck and so
in this it's not only healing me but
it's allowing me to move forward and
continue that healing that needed to be
there and again I I've said this a
thousand trillion times and I I don't
think I can stress it enough that if it
wasn't for you amazing ladies that have
reached out and so been so compassionate
to me I would don't know if I would have
been able to continue this channel
because it's it's my dream it's my
passion but it's also something that can
be hard at times but I love what I'm
doing and I love being able to share my
experiences so that others like I said
know they're not alone so yeah I am just
I'm really so happy to to see the the
responses that I've gotten has just been
amazing and you guys are just awesome
awesome awesome people I just absolutely
love every one of you guys all
individually you guys are all amazing
and you all have a special place in my
heart because every one of you that are
here are here not by accident you're
here because you're meant to be here and
that makes it even that much
special that's how I look at it and I've
gained a million Maisie friends and I
love it but anyways um so I am going to
cut this a little short tonight only
because like I said I just haven't been
feeling a hundred percent today I'm
really hoping and hoping and hoping and
hoping that tomorrow is a much better
day I've got some medicine in me so I'm
really hoping that that's gonna help if
it doesn't I'm definitely calling the
doctor tomorrow because I don't want it
to get out of control
if you guys have ever dealt with kidney
issues if you guys have any suggestions
shoot him my way um the only thing that
I've ever really been told to do is
cranberry stuff but if there's anything
else that you guys could think of shoot
in my direction I would absolutely love
to know what you guys do if there's home
remedies and things that would be
awesome
but anyways I hope that you all had an
amazing day today love the friendships I
have gained they are so amazing and so I
think about you guys all the time
there's not a day that goes by that I
don't think about you guys and I'm
really hoping that soon I'll be able to
start you know videotaping more
throughout the day because I know that
that's something you guys enjoy it's
just been lately the last you know what
week and a half I've been so like busy
with the house and stuff that it's just
it's hard and I've got to put on my
covering so sometimes I get going I
forget and then it's like oops no well I
already finished it but I'm gonna show
you guys the finishing project Amy Amy
Amy but um anyways I just am absolutely
loving what we're all doing and for each
and every one of you that have your own
channels I have been loving them up I
absolutely and so thrilled to be able to
subscribe to each of your eyes as videos
it makes me feel good to know that there
are other people out there that do an
amazing job on their channels just as
well and so you guys all keep up the
hard work it's not easy it really is not
always easy but it's always so worth it
and so anywho enough with the rambling
Amy you guys take care I will see you
guys tomorrow
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